God of the Little Things

Isn't it amazing to try to wrap your mind around the truth that God is so big that He made a universe millions of lightyears wide but can carry it in the palm of His hand--yet He cares about the little details in day-to-day life.

For each and every one of us.

Today was my "Little Blessings Day," so I shall call it. The Lord showed me through the little things that He cares and He wants to leave fingerprints of His glory all over my life. Even in those mundane, routine things like driving down the road, eating breakfast, or locating clients.

God is just good like that.

Stop and look around. See where He is leaving fingerprints in your own life. Take note.

Don't ever forget He is the God of the BIG things and the little things.

* Having good productivity today.
* Giving me time to get some paperwork done.
* Showing me moments where patience was being worked in me--and finding that it wasn't so hard when I let His grace work.
* A sweet co-worker picking up my favorite, sweet tea, when she didn't have to.
* Texts from precious friends encouraging me throughout the day.
* A calm assurance that everything was under control.
* Smiles and jokes from nurses who I never thought liked me just to serve as a reminder that relationships are forming.
* Sweet hugs and communication with very important people (my clients).
* A free bottle of water.
* A cool breeze blowing up just as 10 of us awaited the rest of the gang outside in the parking lot.
* Previously stated cool breeze remaining for the rest of the evening, with no rain, providing the perfect set-up for curb-side frozen yogurt with 13 friends!
* Stella begging to sit in my lap. Realizing that she has learned my body language...so words aren't even necessary.
* Safety on the road.
* Very little lapse between clients--no MIAs!
* Good attitudes and wisdom on how to redirect when folks weren't so nice.
* Reminders everywhere of the one true God who loves His creation!

Is that tears or sweat bringing water to my eyes?

The cause still remains unknown.

I spent a few hours out at Central Arkansas Youth Camp today. Brushed a girl's eyebrows with a fork and tried to make a guy laugh by attempting to sell him rocks to stick up his nose to protect him from the mosquitoes. I even made a girl sniff a stick and tickled another with a leaf.

That's just how I do things when I'm a Bounty Hunter playing the game "Underground Railroad."

My job was to make folks laugh, so my random side went nuts. I practiced my terrible accent collection--from Cogney-English, to Irish, Spanish, and even some Middle-Eastern sounds thrown in there. It was fun, but sadly, even my best stuff only brought smiles to those faces. They were a tought crowd to break!

The place was teaming with sweaty, smelly kids--and adults--but no one seemed to mind. I fit right in. That's why I still don't know if my eyes were blurry because of sweat or tears. You see, though the music didn't move me [Amazing Grace has a lot more meaning to me than these fancy contemporary Christian songs], the message did. It always does. So I know there were some tears thrown in there with the salty concoction oozing from my pores. My tear ducts hated to be left out.

"A Different Kind of Love." That's this year's theme. That was tonight's message. I pray that it sinks in, grasps those troubled hearts, wraps around their very souls, and never lets them go. I pray it transforms them, changes their lives, breaks the bondage of the past, and opens doors to the future for these children and teens who've never known the unconditional love of Christ.

What a blessing it was. I will be there tomorrow night. And the next. Oh, and the next after that, too!

Helping Little Bubz

Yes, I call my brothers "bubz."

And yes, I did help my brother with a school project today. Wanna see?

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Here's the two of us...exhausted (after putting nearly six hours into the project)!

It's a...longhouse, home of the Iroquois (a native American tribe).

Like the bamboo "corn"? Yeah, it's kind of tall in proportion to the little plastic Indians, but the bigger the better, right?

Of course, the little bubz had to add some mean settlers to fight these peaceful redskins. That's just what boys do!

I'm back home visiting for the week and am having SO MUCH fun! (Except for the weeding Mamaw's yard in the heat, but, hey, it was worth it to see her smile. I'm glad I could help her out).

Thank you, Lord for:

76. Good pizza with great, old friends

77. Quality time with my youngest brother, discovering what a truly amazing young fellow he is becoming

78. Helping me to find humor in a bitter, old man and love him all the more in spite of his shortcomings

79. Safety on my trip to the south.

80. A phone call from a speech therapy company that almost seems too good to be true.

81. The opportunity to get to know the man my mother married and realize mom's in good hands.

82. My mamaw's sweet smile...and wonderful backrubs!

83. Beautiful weather (and company!) at lunchtime on Mother's Day with other friends who didn't have their mothers nearby for the special day

84. "Stump", the first real English bulldog I've ever met. What strange creatures You have made! This one brings smiles, giggles, and light-hearted fun!

85. Air conditioning! How did people ever survive Arkansas' heat without AC?!

(This post was originally posted on Wednesday, May 11th, but for some reason it is saying it posted on May 17th).

Spring Break

I said I would post later about Spring Break, so here it is...every detail, from the fun and intriguing to the exceedingly mundane:

On Saturday, I went to a Neurological Ranch for school to administer some tests on folks who've had strokes, traumatic brain injuries, or other neuro issues. The grounds of the 400+ acre ranch were breathtakingly beautiful. However, the experience made me realize I don't think I'm cut out to daily work with people who can't inhibit their thoughts.

The Ranch

On Sunday, I enjoyed visiting with some friends from church and basking in the glorious weather on their many patios. We even ate dinner outside--using bar stools as tables! That night, the moon was absolutely stunning in the sky. A kind friend happened to have a camera handy and took a few photos of it as we were both heading to our cars that evening. God's handiwork is magnificent!

While he was snapping these pretty photos (and many more), another friend and I were discussing how we were going to convince her mother to let her spend the day with me without arousing her mother's suspicion. Sneaky us had a plan up our sleeves...

...a plan to aid her father in surprising their mother with a beautiful reception on their 30th wedding anniversary. Their anniversary was the next day--Monday--and not a single plan had been made when this moon's phase was captured shortly before midnight.

With the help of other family members, friends of the family, and a sweet mother and daughter from our church, the reception fell together beautifully just in time for the couple's arrival at the church.

The same kind photographer who caught the moon took these photos. It just seems I don't have a camera on me when I need one most! He even included a video clip from the moments when the lovely bride was "surprised!" However, because I haven't received permission prior to writing this, I have left names out of this story and faces out of the photographs. It was a beautiful, fun night. Worth every second of labor, too! We all went out to the family's home afterward for more fun and fellowship--into the wee hours of Tuesday morning.

Tuesday started with another doctor's appointment to find out if a CT scan was necessary or if I could live without one for now. The meeting lasted only about 10 minutes and it was decided that the strange object in my pelvis showing up on X-Rays doesn't seem to be bothering me right now so I can survive CT Scan-free for the time being. Good news! 

The rest of the day was spent patio-furniture shopping with the family mentioned above (refer to reception story). We spent hours (quite literally) sitting around a table in the Walmart Garden Center chatting while the gentle breeze blew around us. 'Twas nice.

Wednesday wasn't near as eventful. Housework, schoolwork, a quick visit to try out the patio furniture that was chosen, and AWANA with the precious kiddos who were rowdier than usual. I wonder if the break had anything to do with it?

Thursday was not interesting at all. I ran errands all day and read/watched movies all night. I took Stella to have her bush groomed down to a manageable length. This photo was taken on my phone shortly after picking her up Thursday night:

They cut her hair quite badly. Look at the pink patch of completely bare flesh on her chest...whereas there is patches of fur at different lengths all over the rest of her little body.

Friday was grandulous. Is grandulous a word? If not, now it is. Anyway, I spent all morning trying to find someone interested in going to the Museum of Discovery with me (thankfully, the perfect person agreed to go with me this past Tuesday instead). Then I went around town with a very good friend to pick up materials for building a chicken coop at the youth ranch she works at. We bought some chickens before heading back to the ranch. It was so precious to hear those little chirps!
Stella met Glory, my friend's adorable yellow lab pup, and instantly fell in love. They are now best friends. I was too soft-hearted to tell them there will come a time (very soon!) when the can no longer play so rough together due to Glory's rapid growth and many months to go before it peaks.
The rest of the evening was spent getting to know my friend better--and loving every minute of it--as well as discovering that Stella is actually a well-behaved dog and obeys me more than I realized. My only regret from that visit is that it couldn't have been longer, much longer, as I had to get up at 4:30a.m. to head back home. Why?

Because I had to work on Saturday morning, that's why! Regardless of my exhaustion, the day was a good one. I took some of the fellas bowling and realized they bowl a lot better than I do! Well, that's not saying much because I stink at it, but still! I was impressed! It made me itch to go bowling sometime myself. I really need to do that soon. I watched a couple of movies while doing some computer work that night after work.

Sunday was a typical Sunday. I enjoyed meeting with my peers for the Sunday school class, picking back up in Galations chapter 5. You wouldn't believe how long we've been in Galations if I told you. It's a good way to study scripture, though, and I rightly enjoy the pace. We dig much deeper into the Word through this class than any other class I've ever attended. Even Old Testament Survey my freshman year of college wasn't as thought-provoking as this class and I had to write a 9-page paper for it! I learned a lot more about J. Hudson Taylor during service that afternoon and walked away with one particular scenario burned in my memory: the story of Mr. Taylor giving the $50 bill in his pocket--all the money to his name--to a poor man whose wife was dying. In that moment I realized that I don't know if I could trust God in that situation. I want to, I hope I would, but would I? I only pray that my trust in Him will grow stronger--and that I will place complete trust in Him. Perspectives class was back in full swing and the place was more crowded than usual. That's not a bad problem to have! :)

I went home and fell asleep. Thus ended Spring Break 2011...the last one I shall ever experience as a student.

The Crosswalk

I received this via email years ago from a friend back home. I didn't draw this or come up with the important message behind these photos. I'm not sure who is responsible since the references were not included in the email, but I would gladly hug their neck if I knew.

It is true. We should bear the cross that God gives us with contentment, tried and true until the end. God never gives us more than we can carry. Instead, He gives us just what we need.

Sequel to "A Thinkful Friday"

...or more like a backtrack. Or a translation.

I don't think I explained myself very well. Yet, maybe I did, I haven't gone back over that post. I just wanna be a little more detailed (I like detail), bullet-style.
* God has not shown me a specific place to be. My future is still kind of fuzzy.
* God HAS given me a ministry--through the training He has blessed me with to become a SLP. He has also given me other kinds of training, like how to cook good home-cooking for an army of men, how to care for people with disabilities in all aspects of their lives, and...well, how to change a poopy diaper even counts as training in my book. I still practice every once in a while, trying to weaken my gag reflex. This may actually strengthen it. Anyways, I'm rambling now...so on to more details.
* The part about my desires in the last post, well, what I mean most about that was this: God has not CHANGED my desires, but He has shown me that those desires are given to me--gifts that He can use to bless His people and to bring Him glory. I have often prayed that He would take them from me because it makes life difficult to swallow when you're out on your own and don't want to be. He has given me an answer to WHY He won't take these desires from me. He won't do it because they are necessary in order to be a compassionate, loving, giving servant. They are necessary for selflessness. And, with them left unfulfilled, I am left weaker. This makes Him stronger by shining forth His glory the most. It's not me, it's Him.
* Through all this, He's given me an indescribable peace and contentment with where I am--relationship-wise anyway. I feel like I could be doing more for Him and reaching out more to people around me, so I'm not fully content where I am, with myself. I am not dwelling on wanting a family as much as I used to, though.
* Maybe it'll happen someday, who knows? But God can use me more if I don't have the responsibilities of a wife and mother. I have more time and more freedom to serve now, as a single young lady, than I have at any other point in my life (well, excluding my childhood when the majority of the time was spent exploring the creek or a book about beavers). And, I have more room in my heart to share with those who need...need...REALLY NEED love.

A Thinkful Friday

Yes, I said "thinkful," but you can replace it with "thankful" if you want.
Today was beautiful. I did not catch even a glimpse of the sun for the entirety of the day, but it was still beautiful. Before the rain, the temperature was comfortable and a chilly, breeze occupied the air. I was walking across the college campus with such a light heart, silently talking to God. When I realized that I was feeling so splendidly well, I asked the Lord the dumbest question ever..."why?"

I guess I've always been a little scientific. Forming hypotheses and analyzing everything are two of my favorite pasttimes.

But what a dummy I felt like after that question slipped out of my mind! I answered myself--inwardly, as I always do to keep the general public from knowing the level of my insanity--with, "Duh, Kristina. The weather is nice, you get to be outside, and the best part of all is you have just been enjoying the peace only Jesus can bring!"

He has shown Himself mighty in my life this week. Who am I kidding? He's shown Himself mighty in my life from the moment I took my first breath on that Easter Sunday morning of 1987!

Some of you may know about my past. One thing I've struggled with for a few years is the burning question of the possibility of remarriage. I've never really felt at peace about it, and I really still don't if I actually think about it.  I have dealt with a strong desire to be a mom every time I have seen a little one. I have dealt with the desire to have a second chance to truly love and care for a man, to be his best friend and support system, to help him become his very best for the Lord. I have dealt with the desire to be loved in return, too. I don't really think I've shared this with anyone lately, except maybe my Mamaw, but every time I've found myself dwelling on these thoughts, Pastor's John's words come back to me about how he felt that his desire to be married had become his "god." He felt like everything he did was for that purpose, not for God's kingdom. Thank you, Lord, for bringing that back to my memory. It was like a word from You that helped me fight the self-pity.

I am saying all of this, as personal as it is, because I want to share what God has been doing in my life since I started this Perspectives class. My desires haven't changed, but God has given them a direction that brings Him glory! He has shown me that, yes, as my Father He does want me to be happy, but my happiness is nothing compared to the task of REVEALING HIS GLORY! I want to be a mother--well, why not take that compassion and heart full of love I've been bottling up to the millions of orphans in this world, sharing with them the great news of a Savior who loves them! I want to be needed, to be a support system, to be a best friend--well, there are so many broken hearts, broken families, broken people who need someone, who need a friend, who need Jesus. Could I not pour out my devotion to be there for them in their hour of need? To be my Good Shepard's earthly hugs? I want to be loved in return. Now that one's tougher when I think from the worldly perspective. Many of these people may not love me back. Christ was despised in spite of His good works and unconditional love. God gave me an answer for this, too, though. Something I've known for a long, long time--head knowledge--but He has just applied to my heart so very recently. The answer is this: "You are loved in return. The man you loves you is the King of Kings. He has suffered the unimaginable for you. He is with you ALWAYS. He is faithful. He is true. He is just. He is HOLY."

I don't think I could've asked for a more perfect guy or plan for a future.


P.S. Any young ladies out there who haven't been keeping up with Resolved2Worship's xanga, you need to jump on board. She's been sharing her very long, very beautiful--yet different--love story. It isn't quite completed yet, but is definitely worth the read. If parts of it do not send you to your knees or to the Scriptures, well, then I'll pray for you (lol). Two things she said that stood out to me in one of her posts from her love story are written below. Single ladies, please read and ponder. Store this up in your heart for a time when it may be needed. :)

"Does this guy pull Christ out of me, or does he pull out my flesh?"


“The last thing I want to do is miss what God wants all because I’m focused on what I want. I wonder if all I’ve thought I would want in a man is really just stupid stuff. I wonder if my ideals for what I like in a guy are all just fleshly and not Spirit led at all. I wonder if I’ve fooled myself.”

My Love Language

I have been told that "words of affirmation" is my love language by several people, and, though I had never heard of "love languages," I had assumed this to be the case since I sincerely love to tell people how special they are. I also love to hear the same back (even if it is hard to believe those sweet words!).

I found a website about these so-called "love languages" and took a test to see how I truly communicate my love and feel the love from others. (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/) You may be surprised, the top one is not words of affirmation, though it is close.

Here are my results:
1. Quality Time (10)
2. Words of Affirmation (9)
3. Acts of Service (6)
4. Receiving Gifts (3)
5. Physical Touch (2)

No wonder I am always feeling depressed! I seldom get to spend quality time with...anyone, not even my dog!

How about you take the test and share your results with me. I'm looking forward to hearing from some of you!

The Leter "F"

Some of the greatest things in life start with the letter F. I think it is my new favorite letter of the alphabet.

1. Father: Abba Father, the Holy One of Israel who does not sleep, who knows all, sees all, hears all, controls all, loves all. And He has adopted me! I am His! What does God need with a little, helpless, broken girl such as me? He has shown me that whether He needs me or not, He loves me and has saved me for His glory. FATHER GOD, FAITHFUL FRIEND, INDESCRIBABLE CREATOR, GLORIOUS SAVIOR, I LOVE YOU!

2. Family: Not only did God do all that, but He's blessed me with an earthly Papaw who adopted me as his daughter, too. A man at retirement age who chose to sacrifice his years of rest to raise a stubborn, rotten, bitter little girl who wasn't even his blood child. That is love. My grandma always told me, "He loves you, you know. He just doesn't know how to show it." Or maybe he realized how his LIFE showed it. Everything about that story drips with love. God's love. Papaw's love. I don't think I thank either enough for blessing me with my raising. My Mamaw is the best mom a girl could ask for. She'll give the last can of food in her cupboard--and the very shirt off her back--to people in need. I have seen her bend over backwards, loving and praying and giving, to people who would just as well turn and spit on her. What an awesome heritage! Mamaw, if you read this: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I WANT YOU TO GIVE PAPAW THE BIGGEST HUG AND KISS EVER AND SHARE THIS WITH HIM. I DON'T WANT EITHER OF YOU TO EVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. Even if it means annoying you to pieces telling you all the time.

3. Friends: Perhaps I'm partial, but I feel like God brought the best people in this world into my life. My friends are some of the most generous, loving, exciting, blessing people I could ever imagine. Somehow I don't see how a stinker like me could bond with these amazing people, but I have! Our Father gives good gifts--and I sincerely believe one of those gifts is the gift of friendship with fabulous people. What's the best part? Being challenged, being admonished by my brothers and sisters in Christ--my friends--leading to a closer relationship with them, but even greater is that God uses this to strengthen my relationship with Him.
If any of my friends see this, THANK YOU FOR LEADING ME TO HIM! THANK YOU FOR SPEAKING TRUTH. THANK YOU FOR BEING AN EXAMPLE OF OUR FATHER'S LOVE. I THANK HIM FOR YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY!

...and there are so many more "F" blessings! Fun, fellowship, food, faith, a future, freedom...the list could go on and on!

My Love Letter

My Love,

Everywhere I look, I see you, feel you, hear you. When I wake up, I just can't start my day until I've heard your gentle, loving voice. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. Maybe that's because no one has ever loved me the way you do. How do you do it? You know my insecurities, my weaknesses, and my failures. You know I'm not the perfect girl. I just cannot understand how you love me so! My heart quickens as I write this. My words are so inadequate to portray the love I feel for you! You have taught me so much about redemption and unconditional love, and yet I'm still so far from comprehending it all. I struggle daily to understand you, as you wow and amaze me with each and every moment spent in your presence. You are breathtaking. You are irresistable. These words fall so short of describing you in all your glory. Your words are sweeter than all the chocolate in the world. Thank you for the roses, the beautiful, yet painful, roses and the little reminders every day that I am yours. I do not deserve you, but still you are here. Just thinking of it gives my heart a flutter. Your love story is the greatest ever told. I'm glad you have allowed me to be a part of it.

I will strive to honor, love, and cherish you with all that is in me, my sweet, sweet Jesus. Thank you for dying for me, my Holy Savior! Thank you for Your glorious, redeeming plan to save sinners like me!

I LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU!

Yours always,

Kristina

You gave your life for me. You love me like no other. You are my loving Father, and in YOU will I put my trust.

Lovin' Love

It may seem strange to say, being an old hermit trapped inside with my dog all day, but I'm a hopeless romantic. I typically distract myself back to reality after reading a Jane Austen novel or hearing a sappy Frank Sinatra serenade. Thanks to Valentine's Day being just around the corner, though, everywhere I turn--love is in the air! Reality is pretty hard to recover around this time of year.

Perhaps it would help if I'd get off of Michael Buble radio on Pandora. My other options at the moment? Classic Disney, Celtic Thunder, or Bill Gaither. Hmmm...I think there's only one safe station on my profile. My favorite came on a few minutes ago, tempting me to blog about it. "When I Fall in Love" by Nat King Cole. Ahhh. I could just...cry my eyes out.

Unfortunately, I don't know if love is near as romantic as movies and songs hype it up to be. Maybe it is. I do know ONE couple that seem to be in that dreamy state of love, and I'm pretty sure of their sincerity on the matter.

During this time of year when we are all fluttery with love and hearts, cupid and valentines, let's not forget THE LOVE that surpasses all the superficiality of our imperfect, conditional human love. The greatest love song of all was the one that wasn't even sung. It's the broken and marred-beyond-recognition body that uttered these words in His last moments:

"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

The Lamb of God died not long after those precious and selfless words passed His lips, but this wasn't the end to HIS love song. He conquered death three days later to restore hope to the people He loves. He rose from that tomb, hands and side still bearing the wounds of His sacrifice, to build a city for His bride.

His love sacrifice made a way for dirty, rotten sinners like me to come before His throne. He made a way for me to have a place by My Father God's side. He broke the chains of sin and the bondage of guilt to reveal Himself in ALL HIS GLORY.

And what's even more amazing is that this is not just my love story, or Pastor John's, or Apostle Paul's...

...it's for you, too.

If Jesus Christ is not already your love song, He can be. He wants to be. He wants to reveal His glory in YOU, no matter what you've done or where you've been. He wants to give you strength to handle the evils of this present world.

He gave His life for you. Just give your heart to Him.