Oops!

So during an inservice this week, I learned that even stating things that could be associated with my job, such as "I had a bad/rough day today" are inappropriate to share over social networking sites. I had no idea that all this time I've been breaking company policy, even though I do not mention names or places. I hate to take down posts because that would be most of my blog and I use this as a "virtual scrapbook" to remember bits and pieces of the blessings and thorns God provides. I don't want to lose one morsel!

I'm in a tough spot.

Plus, it is so hard to write and NOT bring up work or something funny said/done that I'd like to remember. That's pretty much my life right now!

Wacky Wednesday!

7:00 AM: KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! A strange old man hand delivers my car tags. States that they were in his mailbox two weeks ago and that he had come by every day since at different times trying to catch me. I was never home, go figure.

8:00 AM: Drive to work through clouds. No really, there were clouds--everywhere!

8:30 AM: Thank Jesus for the breathtaking sight as I top a hill with valleys on both sides with the end of the clouds also in view, floating over the valleys like a canopy of cotton.

9:15 AM: Nonverbal client throws glasses in floor in an attempt to tell me he's mad that I asked him to sit back down so he wouldn't fall.

10:20 AM: Very verbal client tells me that the reason he had to come to the nursing home was this: he'd heard that I worked there and that the torture of speech therapy was actually "quite pleasurable torture".

11:00 AM: Client with developmental disability beats me at Scrabble even though I played the longest word: "blouse".

12:30 PM: Coworker comes into breakroom and threatens to stab me with fork if I eat his food. Then tells me I am allowed one spoonful of his potatoes if I replace it with cheese from my macaroni.

1:55 PM: Client tells me that he hates to break it to me, but there's no way I'll get him to function like he did when he was 30. Then, he proceeds to be the first client I've had at this facility who thanks me for all my hard work and dedication to his well-being.

4:30 PM: Nursing home resident at another place stops me in the hall and tells me I'm a sweetheart and need to be the speech therapist seeing her neice. Said resident was a client of mine when I was a student and refused therapy 3 times in a row.

5:00 PM: Long term client who I have grown very fond of gets swallow study results back--YAY! Diet upgrade to more "real" food/drinks! WOOHOO!

6:30 PM: Run around like a blindfolded turkey on Thanksgiving  morning in preparation for the evening's Awana meeting while trying to read over my lines for the message time lesson.

6:45 PM: Try to compose myself as the Sparks director walks in disguised as "Professor Spark"--complete with lab coat and spiky hair.

9:00 PM: Drive home with a smile on my face and a heart full of love for the darling little Sparkies I have been blessed to get to know.

 "...for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." (Phillipians 4:11)

I love my morning drives to work. It's just me and God winding down those curvy roads...and reminders everywhere of His unfailing power and majesty. Lately, I have found myself becoming irritable about aspects of my job that I was not anticipating upon entrance into the real world--like the excessive amounts of paperwork and the high-stress environment.

Yesterday, as I was driving in to work, God used a cement truck to jog my memory of His faithfulness.

Yes, I did say "a cement truck".

Patience is a virtue that God wants to infuse in my very being, but stubborn me refuses to accept. I constantly find myself arguing with myself (wise folks do that, you know) about the necessity to pray for patience. I know I need more of it, but I'm afraid of the circumstances that will come to work patience in me. God brought that ridiculously slow cement truck into my morning routine yesterday to try my patience...and give me a shocking reminder of my critical spirit and other character flaws that need to be chiseled away. I rode behind that truck for 20 minutes, complaining in my heart and grumbling aloud. The truck was going about 15 miles under the speed limit and I was already running behind schedule. There were no passing zones in sight.

All of a sudden--I don't really recall how--I realized that the old cement truck was a gift from God to help me grow closer to Him by building my faith and my character. I had just been complaining and grumbling about a gift from my faithful, precious, Holy Father! What an ungrateful child I have been!

As tears began to flow and I poured out my broken, repentant heart before God--driving through the backroads of central Arkansas--my mind went back to my attitude at work. Sure, I love my patients and the work I do with them, but I just have not had such a loving and thankful spirit towards other areas of the job. I thought about how it's made me feel when I've given gifts to people only to have their faces darken in dissappointment with no "thank you" to follow.

And I thought about all the amazing things leading up to this job that revealed God's hand on every detail of it. My job is a gift from my Father. He has a purpose and a plan for me at this place, and I should daily praise Him for His kindness, love, grace, and tender mercy.

I am still learning to be content with where I am, who I am, and what I am doing. There's no room for complaint with a God-gift. They are always perfect and right on time. He is my provider, and I will trust in Him.

1 Timothy 6:6-8 "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content."

Real Friends...

...Challenge you to draw closer in your own relationship with the King of kings.
...Support you in their thoughts and prayers.
...Bring their bible, some oreos, and a gallon of milk over when you're in need of encouragement.
...Tell you there's spinach stuck in your teeth so you don't make a fool of yourself in front of strangers.
...Know all your flaws and still want to spend time with you.
...Don't hesitate to tell you when you 've messed up--and are there by your side to help you make it right.
...Don't sugar coat truth.
...Laugh with you when you do something dumb to help make light of it, which, at least to me, eases the embarrassment a little bit.
...Calls or sends you a text every now and then just to say "hi." It really means a lot, you know.

I have some of the bestest friends in the world.

Thank you, Lord, for continuing to show me daily the little blessings all around me, including the wonderful people I call "friends."

"Outside Looking In"

It was the name of a sketch assignment for art class back in high school. I distinctly remember the picture I drew. In fact, I'm sure I still have it, stashed away in an old binder somewhere on my bookshelf. Yes, I am a professed packrat.

The eye of a girl looking through a crack in the wall...searching for something lost...her eye curiously caught staring at a crumpled piece of paper lying in the shadows among the dust...and all this merely centimeters away from a deadly spider...

No, it wasn't really a good piece of art for that kind of thing is not a gift bestowed on the likes of me. But it was real. It was how I felt then, a feeling I still stuggle with now. A feeling of being seen as something I'm not--and the fear of being something I don't want to be. For, the paper represents who I truly am. The message is crumpled, torn, beaten, bruised, and thrown into a secret place where it longs to stay hidden forever. The spider, well, he represents the fear of consequences, of knowing, of being found. And there I am watching myself defeated in fear, isolated from all things good and pure and holy.

That's what fear does best. Separate. Divide. Isolate.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; in whom should I be afraid?" Ps 27:1

Lord, help me to trust you with all things. Continue to reveal my weakenesses, but give me the wisdom and the grace to grow through them into the vessel You choose to use. Give me strength to stand wide awake to my sin and depend totally on you for cleansing, victorious power over it. Remind my heart, not just my head, that you are the only Forgiver of Sin. Purge me with hyssop, that I shall be clean; wash me that I may be whiter than snow. Thank you for the rod of discipline and the looking glass that reveals my sinful nature. Don't let me forget who I am so that I will strive to become more like you. You are worthy, Amen.

Lazy Day

My little canine is passed out on the couch looking oh-so-cute, and I took a 4 hour nap today myself.

It's my day of rest. I think I'm entitled to one every now and then.

I went yard-saling with Heather and Josh this morning. I actually stayed at their house so we could leave bright and early. Oh, and so Stella could spend some time with her love, Mr. Darcy. There's nothing like going from house-to-house looking at other people's junk. We did find some good deals today (mostly books). The last one we went to was a gold mine of great stuff, but sadly everything had "sold" stickers attached. We were too late to get the goodies.

There is a lot going on right now. I feel overloaded emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Good and bad all mixed together. I have this very strange feeling that I can only describe as a desire to duck in a hole and hide out for a while. I think it's the lazy side of me wanting to just let everything work itself out., or maybe it's the ostrich in me who feels too inadequate to stand up to the scary stuff, so I wanna stick my head in a hole and hope nothing finds me.

But I am not called to sit on the sidelines with my mouth shut and my eyes closed. I am called to take a stand for what is right, holy, and just. I am called to go to work every day and be the hands of God in the lives of the precious people there. I am called not to depend on the insecurity of a small, dark hiding place but to lean on the strength of Jesus Christ, who came, lived, died, and conquered the grave.

So, today I rest, trusting in Jesus to work everything out. Trusting in Jesus for the wisdom and grace to stand tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that...