Today is Wednesday.

As with any "big" day, I found myself wide awake at 3:00 this morning, though I hadn't laid my head on the pillow until two hours before. I just can't sleep when I have something important going on the next day.
I think it is just nerves. Or maybe it's the fear of oversleeping. I dunno. Whatever it is, I do it automatically, like a built-in safety to keep me from messing up the important events in my life.
Sometimes I wish that safety would have shut off, keeping me in a dream state during events I'd rather not have experienced. That, however, is another post for another day.
Today is not that day. Today is Wednesday. Today was my first day on my clinical site.
Today was beautiful.
It started early, and it isn't quite over, but already I have so much to be thankful for.
I am thankful for the late night call from a dear friend from the south, a phone call full of scripture and wisdom and corny jokes. It may've kept me up half the night, causing me to nearly fall asleep in therapy several times, but it was a phone call I wouldn't take back if I had it to do over.
It was an encouragement to me. I just love to hear scripture, to talk about scripture, especially with people who are more learned in it than I am and who love it as much if not more than I do. I love to talk about the Word of God with friends who know its value, cherish its instruction, and long to seek out its truth. And, well, I love a good laugh, too, even if the jokes are a little cheesy.

Last night's post was right on--I walked through those double doors clueless as to what I was entering into. My supervisor knew immediately who I was, probably by the words "I'm so lost and confused" written all over my face. Thankfully, she is a very laidback, experienced clinician with lots of energy and optimism. I think I'll be learning a lot from her.

I met lots of precious kiddos today, faces I will see often over this semester--and faces I hope I never forget in my prayers. So many of them are from broken homes. I constantly heard statements like, "I stayed with my dad this summer" or "I met with my sister who lives with my stepmom the other day" or "My mom got custody of me over the summer so I won't be going back and forth between mom and dad anymore" or "I don't see my dad very much." Can I tell you how much this broke my heart? I don't think I have words for it.
Yes, I'm from a broken home. I realize that is the new common for families, but I guess being a part of a church like Grace that is so focused on family, I have kind of sheltered my heart from this very sad truth. I've come to see how special a bond between parents and their children can be, how wonderful it is for both parents to be together, raising their family side by side, hand in hand--even when it gets tough.
I have put on blinders to the growing number of divorces in our nation, and the impact these separations have on children. God took those blinders off today, making me face the raw pain of seeing these kids and hearing their stories.
God is good like that; He opens our eyes when they need to be opened, and closes wounds when it's time for healing. I'm glad He is in control.

So, my friends, today is Wednesday. Tonight is wet and wacky night at my church. Tomorrow is a new day.

What will it bring?

Clinical Practicum

At 7:30 in the morning you will find me standing outside the double doors of a public elementary school I have never been to before, taking a deep breath, and trying to clear my head.

I will not be 100% awake, nor will I be 100% prepared, for what lies behind those doors.

I am afraid I will not be smart enough to fulfill my duty as a student clinician. I do not believe I will be classy enough to represent my school as a professional student. I do not think I know what I'm getting myself into.

The day has arrived where I will have to spread my wings and fly out into the applicable world, taking all the head knowledge I have, and the books I have yet to cram in, with me.

No more "theoretical clients" or lists of information I'll never see again. No, now it will be a REAL Johnny or Suzie, in need of REAL help.

...and all they've got is me...

I. am. so. very. nervous.

My Week in (Almost) Telegraphic Speech.

Church--touched by testimonies, hurried lunch at Zaxby's, work at walmart, study, classes, study, work on project, shop for scrubs, work at walmart, all day study, breaks drive/look for house, IHOP all-nighter study, Finals overlapped--AHH!, two at once, brain-fried, turn in project, look at houses, facebook, quick nap, church--blessed message, God is good, loving those kiddos, late-night chit chat with Anna at McDonalds, smoothies are yum, cleaning house, look at houses, watch movie ["My Favorite Wife" with Cary Grant], laughed a lot, grabbed chips/salsa with Shay, drove all over Conway with Shay, ripped pants from waist to mid-thigh (not on seam) right before work at walmart, Shay's jacket saved the day, bought way too-big pants, fought them staying up all night at work, organized more notes for clinical binders, went shopping for "professional attire" with Brittany (bought a yellow jacket that I plan to return. I never wear yellow), work at Walmart til 10:30pm, computer hard drive crashed--up til 2 trying to fix it, work at Ross house at 6am, pureed meals, pudding-like drinks, shopping trip to walmart, fun at the flea market, chasing an old fella using a walker all over the place, lots of fun, watch a movie with the fellas at Ross (Dejavu), come home, quick nap, go to work at Walmart, talk to Jerald, phones die...fall asleep.

I had to leave out the details or it would take up a million pages. Very boring week. Very.

The word of God is powerful!

I was going through a stack of papers on my desk today and a little slip of paper fell out with this verse written on it in my handwriting. I do not remember when or why I wrote this out, but just seeing it brought to mind the faces of several friends who are facing some difficult situations right now. Situations that I cannot save them from or even really help them through. But I know a God who can!

"For thou has been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall." (Isaiah 25:4)

It is late, 4:30 comes early, but I felt an urge to share this. The Lord will fight for us; He is our Father, our Protector, our Friend. And He will never give us more than we can bear.

I don't know where you are at right now, but God does. If I know you, I pray for you and I love you. But God knows everyone, intercedes for everyone, loves everyone.

Remember that He does love you and is with you through the hard times. The poem "Footprints" is one of my favorites. In fact, I like it so much that my bathroom is decorated to it. But that's beside the point. The message of "Footprints" is true--God carries us through our hardest moments.