A Thinkful Friday

Yes, I said "thinkful," but you can replace it with "thankful" if you want.
Today was beautiful. I did not catch even a glimpse of the sun for the entirety of the day, but it was still beautiful. Before the rain, the temperature was comfortable and a chilly, breeze occupied the air. I was walking across the college campus with such a light heart, silently talking to God. When I realized that I was feeling so splendidly well, I asked the Lord the dumbest question ever..."why?"

I guess I've always been a little scientific. Forming hypotheses and analyzing everything are two of my favorite pasttimes.

But what a dummy I felt like after that question slipped out of my mind! I answered myself--inwardly, as I always do to keep the general public from knowing the level of my insanity--with, "Duh, Kristina. The weather is nice, you get to be outside, and the best part of all is you have just been enjoying the peace only Jesus can bring!"

He has shown Himself mighty in my life this week. Who am I kidding? He's shown Himself mighty in my life from the moment I took my first breath on that Easter Sunday morning of 1987!

Some of you may know about my past. One thing I've struggled with for a few years is the burning question of the possibility of remarriage. I've never really felt at peace about it, and I really still don't if I actually think about it.  I have dealt with a strong desire to be a mom every time I have seen a little one. I have dealt with the desire to have a second chance to truly love and care for a man, to be his best friend and support system, to help him become his very best for the Lord. I have dealt with the desire to be loved in return, too. I don't really think I've shared this with anyone lately, except maybe my Mamaw, but every time I've found myself dwelling on these thoughts, Pastor's John's words come back to me about how he felt that his desire to be married had become his "god." He felt like everything he did was for that purpose, not for God's kingdom. Thank you, Lord, for bringing that back to my memory. It was like a word from You that helped me fight the self-pity.

I am saying all of this, as personal as it is, because I want to share what God has been doing in my life since I started this Perspectives class. My desires haven't changed, but God has given them a direction that brings Him glory! He has shown me that, yes, as my Father He does want me to be happy, but my happiness is nothing compared to the task of REVEALING HIS GLORY! I want to be a mother--well, why not take that compassion and heart full of love I've been bottling up to the millions of orphans in this world, sharing with them the great news of a Savior who loves them! I want to be needed, to be a support system, to be a best friend--well, there are so many broken hearts, broken families, broken people who need someone, who need a friend, who need Jesus. Could I not pour out my devotion to be there for them in their hour of need? To be my Good Shepard's earthly hugs? I want to be loved in return. Now that one's tougher when I think from the worldly perspective. Many of these people may not love me back. Christ was despised in spite of His good works and unconditional love. God gave me an answer for this, too, though. Something I've known for a long, long time--head knowledge--but He has just applied to my heart so very recently. The answer is this: "You are loved in return. The man you loves you is the King of Kings. He has suffered the unimaginable for you. He is with you ALWAYS. He is faithful. He is true. He is just. He is HOLY."

I don't think I could've asked for a more perfect guy or plan for a future.


P.S. Any young ladies out there who haven't been keeping up with Resolved2Worship's xanga, you need to jump on board. She's been sharing her very long, very beautiful--yet different--love story. It isn't quite completed yet, but is definitely worth the read. If parts of it do not send you to your knees or to the Scriptures, well, then I'll pray for you (lol). Two things she said that stood out to me in one of her posts from her love story are written below. Single ladies, please read and ponder. Store this up in your heart for a time when it may be needed. :)

"Does this guy pull Christ out of me, or does he pull out my flesh?"


“The last thing I want to do is miss what God wants all because I’m focused on what I want. I wonder if all I’ve thought I would want in a man is really just stupid stuff. I wonder if my ideals for what I like in a guy are all just fleshly and not Spirit led at all. I wonder if I’ve fooled myself.”