Random Humor

I used to think laughter could make anything better...until I had my wisdom teeth removed. Now I realize there are certain times when spreading your lips wide and belting out a few giggles is NOT recommended--like when your face is swollen up like a marshmallow.

Anyways, I was looking for fun sentences for therapy and came across some humorous one-liners that did crackle me up. I thought I'd share a few:

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.


Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Half the people you know are below average.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Are you giggling yet?