My very special brother

I received an email Saturday night that from my oldest brother.

I am the oldest child in my family, but he is the oldest male. Maybe that's why I've always felt closer to him than everyone else, in spite of the 5-year age gap.

See, here's some background: Chris is the good ol' country boy who always took everything in stride. If I had to describe his personality, I'd say "mellow and sweet." He was as redneck as they come and lived for fishin', fixin' cars, huntin' (the one season he got to go!), and country music. He's just always seemed to "not care" about things--whether it was something as simple as spilled milk or as important as the God of the universe sending His Son to die for our sins. I think he notices, but it doesn't seem to matter to him. I sometimes get this idea that he separates himself from it. Like that is how he copes with things.

He has always treated me like I was a princess (guys could really get some pointers from him; I have no idea where he learned it!): opening doors, waiting on me so I don't have to move an inch, yeah that kinda stuff that could really spoil a girl.

I just love this boy to pieces.

Well, he's not a boy anymore is he? hmmm...I love that man, then. To pieces. Absolute pieces.

I had not heard from Chris since February. After his birthday, he went wild. He got himself mixed up in stuff I would never think possible for him to be involved in. And he went through so many phones that I lost count (and lost numbers). He stopped calling me, and I just completely lost contact. He didn't come around when I went home to visit, either.

You might wonder why I'm telling everyone about my brother. Well, I want to share about this email, in hopes of asking for prayer for him and myself. Chris has gotten himself in trouble. It doesn't look like really bad trouble, but he does have to go to court. I think this has scared him a little. The email he sent me is the longest piece of conversation I've ever had with him. He usually keeps his words to a minimum. He's very quiet, but he is an excellent listener (another reason I probably love him so much!). Anyways, he said he wants to change. He said he's messed up and wants a fresh start, and he knows that I could offer him the support he needs to straighten up his life.

He wants to move up here.

The idea of getting such a long note from him alone brought tears to my eyes, but as I read it, the tears turned into a water faucet and I could barely see the computer screen. He shared more of his own heart than I've ever seen before.

I want to know what is going on in him. I want to help him! And most importantly, if I can't make things right, I know Someone who can!

I would appreciate prayer for him: that God will speak to him and that he will listen, that if he does in deed come up here, that God will provide (as He always does!)--with a job and good, supportive friends, and most importantly that God will do a work in his heart and will shine the Light of the gospel into his heart (yes, this is what my church family has been praying in unity for Mr. Don, but I think it very much applies to any lost soul).

I would also appreciate prayer for myself, that God will give me wisdom on what to do and how to do it and that He will give me the grace to do it! Just when I think I have it all planned out and worked out, God shows me I just don't need to do that because He is the one in control, not me. I need to learn to trust Him. I thought I had this down (haha, already messin' up when I do that!), but with Chris' proposition, I realize I don't. The thoughts of finances, food, shelter, clothes, and transportation has all come to mind. How can I support him when I barely support myself?

Fear has come on me, over trivial things. I know this is not from God, for He tells us in Matthew chapter 6 that He will provide our needs and that we should not take thought for tomorrow because it will take care of itself. He only asks that we seek Him first. The fear I have felt over these basic needs has me upset at my own distrust in my Father's love and provision. It has left me feeling more selfish than ever--to fear bringing my brother into my home because of money? Really?

A very wise friend shared with me on Sunday a concept she and her brother had discussed recently about godly rebuke and the discouragements of satan. God will not tell you you are stupid. He will not condemn you with hateful thoughts. He will use love when He wants to reveal our folly to us. If I feel condemnation, hatred, depression, or belittlement through the thoughts coming towards me about choices I have made (or am making), then it is not from God, but from that old fallen angel.

I know this.

But, I think I forget it too easily.

Please remember Kris and Chris in your prayers. ;)