Monday Mannerisms

* I decided on a title for my Monday posts from now on by going to dictionary.com and looking up synonyms for "habit." Yeah, I'm not smart enough to do that on my own. I'm thankful for internet resources.

* Yay! I have a new phone! My Mamaw brought me one since the ol' ticker (battery, not heart) gave out on The Vu who had been my constant companion for nearly 2 years. Sad day. Memorial services will be held at noon tomorrow.

* A good friend, MrsSouthernBride, is in Ireland, and I am jealous. Someday I will get to go, though. Someday. I hope she is having a fabulous time there and comes back with lots of stories and photos. I'm sure she is and will.

* I just finished reading a book called, "Same Kind of Different as Me," by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. It's a true story about REAL people and definitely worth the read. It will make you think, pray, and do some self-evaluation.

*  Shopping in Wal-mart last night was bittersweet. I miss my Wal-mart family! There are some new faces--mostly with sour looks on their faces. I guess that's just management's way. I was very sad to see all the changes taking place. 3.5 years dedicated to a place, and in two months they've made it almost unrecognizable. I had trouble finding things. I guess that's just the cutomer's way.

I am so grateful to the Lord for:

11. Waking up to another day.

12. Moist, cool air after a rain reminding me of the cleansing the rain brings to the earth.

13. His protection in all circumstances.

14. Going before me and fighting my battles.

15. Being patient with a slow-learner, continuing to remind me that He is in control and perfectly trustworthy.

16. Sweet babies that slobber while they eat and try to feed you their smashed bread pieces.

17. His provision of circumstances to allow me to attend the Perspectives class and the changes He is working in me through the class.

18. A cold puppy nose nudging me awake from under the covers.

19. The wonderful, spontaneous visit from my grandparents Friday evening.

20. Being bombarded by a dozen little arms, wrapping around my legs and waist, during the greeting time at church Sunday.

Sequel to "A Thinkful Friday"

...or more like a backtrack. Or a translation.

I don't think I explained myself very well. Yet, maybe I did, I haven't gone back over that post. I just wanna be a little more detailed (I like detail), bullet-style.
* God has not shown me a specific place to be. My future is still kind of fuzzy.
* God HAS given me a ministry--through the training He has blessed me with to become a SLP. He has also given me other kinds of training, like how to cook good home-cooking for an army of men, how to care for people with disabilities in all aspects of their lives, and...well, how to change a poopy diaper even counts as training in my book. I still practice every once in a while, trying to weaken my gag reflex. This may actually strengthen it. Anyways, I'm rambling now...so on to more details.
* The part about my desires in the last post, well, what I mean most about that was this: God has not CHANGED my desires, but He has shown me that those desires are given to me--gifts that He can use to bless His people and to bring Him glory. I have often prayed that He would take them from me because it makes life difficult to swallow when you're out on your own and don't want to be. He has given me an answer to WHY He won't take these desires from me. He won't do it because they are necessary in order to be a compassionate, loving, giving servant. They are necessary for selflessness. And, with them left unfulfilled, I am left weaker. This makes Him stronger by shining forth His glory the most. It's not me, it's Him.
* Through all this, He's given me an indescribable peace and contentment with where I am--relationship-wise anyway. I feel like I could be doing more for Him and reaching out more to people around me, so I'm not fully content where I am, with myself. I am not dwelling on wanting a family as much as I used to, though.
* Maybe it'll happen someday, who knows? But God can use me more if I don't have the responsibilities of a wife and mother. I have more time and more freedom to serve now, as a single young lady, than I have at any other point in my life (well, excluding my childhood when the majority of the time was spent exploring the creek or a book about beavers). And, I have more room in my heart to share with those who need...need...REALLY NEED love.

A Thinkful Friday

Yes, I said "thinkful," but you can replace it with "thankful" if you want.
Today was beautiful. I did not catch even a glimpse of the sun for the entirety of the day, but it was still beautiful. Before the rain, the temperature was comfortable and a chilly, breeze occupied the air. I was walking across the college campus with such a light heart, silently talking to God. When I realized that I was feeling so splendidly well, I asked the Lord the dumbest question ever..."why?"

I guess I've always been a little scientific. Forming hypotheses and analyzing everything are two of my favorite pasttimes.

But what a dummy I felt like after that question slipped out of my mind! I answered myself--inwardly, as I always do to keep the general public from knowing the level of my insanity--with, "Duh, Kristina. The weather is nice, you get to be outside, and the best part of all is you have just been enjoying the peace only Jesus can bring!"

He has shown Himself mighty in my life this week. Who am I kidding? He's shown Himself mighty in my life from the moment I took my first breath on that Easter Sunday morning of 1987!

Some of you may know about my past. One thing I've struggled with for a few years is the burning question of the possibility of remarriage. I've never really felt at peace about it, and I really still don't if I actually think about it.  I have dealt with a strong desire to be a mom every time I have seen a little one. I have dealt with the desire to have a second chance to truly love and care for a man, to be his best friend and support system, to help him become his very best for the Lord. I have dealt with the desire to be loved in return, too. I don't really think I've shared this with anyone lately, except maybe my Mamaw, but every time I've found myself dwelling on these thoughts, Pastor's John's words come back to me about how he felt that his desire to be married had become his "god." He felt like everything he did was for that purpose, not for God's kingdom. Thank you, Lord, for bringing that back to my memory. It was like a word from You that helped me fight the self-pity.

I am saying all of this, as personal as it is, because I want to share what God has been doing in my life since I started this Perspectives class. My desires haven't changed, but God has given them a direction that brings Him glory! He has shown me that, yes, as my Father He does want me to be happy, but my happiness is nothing compared to the task of REVEALING HIS GLORY! I want to be a mother--well, why not take that compassion and heart full of love I've been bottling up to the millions of orphans in this world, sharing with them the great news of a Savior who loves them! I want to be needed, to be a support system, to be a best friend--well, there are so many broken hearts, broken families, broken people who need someone, who need a friend, who need Jesus. Could I not pour out my devotion to be there for them in their hour of need? To be my Good Shepard's earthly hugs? I want to be loved in return. Now that one's tougher when I think from the worldly perspective. Many of these people may not love me back. Christ was despised in spite of His good works and unconditional love. God gave me an answer for this, too, though. Something I've known for a long, long time--head knowledge--but He has just applied to my heart so very recently. The answer is this: "You are loved in return. The man you loves you is the King of Kings. He has suffered the unimaginable for you. He is with you ALWAYS. He is faithful. He is true. He is just. He is HOLY."

I don't think I could've asked for a more perfect guy or plan for a future.


P.S. Any young ladies out there who haven't been keeping up with Resolved2Worship's xanga, you need to jump on board. She's been sharing her very long, very beautiful--yet different--love story. It isn't quite completed yet, but is definitely worth the read. If parts of it do not send you to your knees or to the Scriptures, well, then I'll pray for you (lol). Two things she said that stood out to me in one of her posts from her love story are written below. Single ladies, please read and ponder. Store this up in your heart for a time when it may be needed. :)

"Does this guy pull Christ out of me, or does he pull out my flesh?"


“The last thing I want to do is miss what God wants all because I’m focused on what I want. I wonder if all I’ve thought I would want in a man is really just stupid stuff. I wonder if my ideals for what I like in a guy are all just fleshly and not Spirit led at all. I wonder if I’ve fooled myself.”