A Thinkful Friday

Yes, I said "thinkful," but you can replace it with "thankful" if you want.
Today was beautiful. I did not catch even a glimpse of the sun for the entirety of the day, but it was still beautiful. Before the rain, the temperature was comfortable and a chilly, breeze occupied the air. I was walking across the college campus with such a light heart, silently talking to God. When I realized that I was feeling so splendidly well, I asked the Lord the dumbest question ever..."why?"

I guess I've always been a little scientific. Forming hypotheses and analyzing everything are two of my favorite pasttimes.

But what a dummy I felt like after that question slipped out of my mind! I answered myself--inwardly, as I always do to keep the general public from knowing the level of my insanity--with, "Duh, Kristina. The weather is nice, you get to be outside, and the best part of all is you have just been enjoying the peace only Jesus can bring!"

He has shown Himself mighty in my life this week. Who am I kidding? He's shown Himself mighty in my life from the moment I took my first breath on that Easter Sunday morning of 1987!

Some of you may know about my past. One thing I've struggled with for a few years is the burning question of the possibility of remarriage. I've never really felt at peace about it, and I really still don't if I actually think about it.  I have dealt with a strong desire to be a mom every time I have seen a little one. I have dealt with the desire to have a second chance to truly love and care for a man, to be his best friend and support system, to help him become his very best for the Lord. I have dealt with the desire to be loved in return, too. I don't really think I've shared this with anyone lately, except maybe my Mamaw, but every time I've found myself dwelling on these thoughts, Pastor's John's words come back to me about how he felt that his desire to be married had become his "god." He felt like everything he did was for that purpose, not for God's kingdom. Thank you, Lord, for bringing that back to my memory. It was like a word from You that helped me fight the self-pity.

I am saying all of this, as personal as it is, because I want to share what God has been doing in my life since I started this Perspectives class. My desires haven't changed, but God has given them a direction that brings Him glory! He has shown me that, yes, as my Father He does want me to be happy, but my happiness is nothing compared to the task of REVEALING HIS GLORY! I want to be a mother--well, why not take that compassion and heart full of love I've been bottling up to the millions of orphans in this world, sharing with them the great news of a Savior who loves them! I want to be needed, to be a support system, to be a best friend--well, there are so many broken hearts, broken families, broken people who need someone, who need a friend, who need Jesus. Could I not pour out my devotion to be there for them in their hour of need? To be my Good Shepard's earthly hugs? I want to be loved in return. Now that one's tougher when I think from the worldly perspective. Many of these people may not love me back. Christ was despised in spite of His good works and unconditional love. God gave me an answer for this, too, though. Something I've known for a long, long time--head knowledge--but He has just applied to my heart so very recently. The answer is this: "You are loved in return. The man you loves you is the King of Kings. He has suffered the unimaginable for you. He is with you ALWAYS. He is faithful. He is true. He is just. He is HOLY."

I don't think I could've asked for a more perfect guy or plan for a future.


P.S. Any young ladies out there who haven't been keeping up with Resolved2Worship's xanga, you need to jump on board. She's been sharing her very long, very beautiful--yet different--love story. It isn't quite completed yet, but is definitely worth the read. If parts of it do not send you to your knees or to the Scriptures, well, then I'll pray for you (lol). Two things she said that stood out to me in one of her posts from her love story are written below. Single ladies, please read and ponder. Store this up in your heart for a time when it may be needed. :)

"Does this guy pull Christ out of me, or does he pull out my flesh?"


“The last thing I want to do is miss what God wants all because I’m focused on what I want. I wonder if all I’ve thought I would want in a man is really just stupid stuff. I wonder if my ideals for what I like in a guy are all just fleshly and not Spirit led at all. I wonder if I’ve fooled myself.”

Once Upon a Day So Dreary...

...I found myself quite ridiculously cheery!

Today was the dreaded day: Comprehensive Exams. All that studying (err, reading to refresh the mind) paid off. Or maybe it was the nearly 6 years I've put into my studies in this intriguing field of speech-language pathology. However it was, those tests were not difficult and I breezed through them. I don't think this is a false confidence (though it could turn out as such!). I felt quite smart as I finished up and walked out of that auditorium.

Thank you, Jesus, for being with me through these years.

Last nigth in Perspectives, the speaker mentioned how the secular education/training some people receive IS their seminary. It's their training for a higher calling. God heals the whole person--their physical needs as well as their spiritual and emotional ones. He calls people to medical ministries, to become teachers, to even become lawyers (I guess! hehe) for His higher purpose. We can use the gifts He has blessed us with to help someone else and bring Him glory!

Isn't that just...AMAZING? I sure think so!

In other news today, my landlord came out to check on me because my neighbor was worried. Apparently, 3 hours ago I opened my car door and finally took my carpet shampooer out. Only, I left the shampooer by the car AND LEFT THE DOOR WIDE OPEN. I would be worried if I saw that in my neighbor's yard, too, for three whole hours. And if I knocked on her door and she didn't respond (I was in the shower).
Poor Mrs. H, she was so worried about me and I was completely oblivious to the pain I had caused everyone just by my careless memory lapse!

Perspectives

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I walked in to the fellowship hall of GBFC four weeks ago.

But I'm glad I did.

I had heard the announcements for this "Perspectives" course for several weeks prior to that evening. It just didn't dawn on me it would start so soon...or last for 15 weeks.

I'm only just entering week 4. There is a lot of reading [at least when I put it in my pile of other responsibilities], but it has been such a blessing!

So far I have learned a few things that are changing how I view EVERYTHING. 
1. God doesn't bless me just because He wants to bless me because this life isn't about me. God blesses me so that I will take that blessing and bless others. I am commanded to SHARE my blessings.
2. Nothing in this life is about me. Not even me. EVERYTHING is about God's glory. God wowed me with this about a year ago, and He's wowing me again. You'd think I'd know this. I'm almost 24 years old. But I'm quite egocentric and God has to knock me back down out of the center of my universe every now and again. Everything God has done has been for His own glory--even His sacrifice at the Cross. He is to be glorified in all things.
3. What we do is not OUR ministry...it's God's. He's just allowing us to be in the middle of it. There's a precious family at my church who give God the honor in all things, even their car is called "God's car." It's not theirs; God's just lending it to them for a while. What a beautiful way of looking at this world.
4. Too many people, including myself, only see what's in our goggle vision. We see our needs and wants. We see only what is in our here and now. It's time I stop being so narrow-minded and instead be Kingdom-minded. What will benefit the Kingdom of God? I just recently read a book in a series by Michael Phillips called New Beginnings. In the book, one of the main characters, Christopher, has a conversation with his wife, Corrie, about how we should do all things with the motive of growing in our relationship with God or helping someone else to grow in theirs, and it's even better if both you and the other person can grow from it. This is the difference between just goodwill toward men--and God's will toward men. Everything I--we--do should advance the Kingdom of God.

So, umm...I'm pretty far from perfect and am only just beginning to apply all this to my life. Though I am trying--trying to see everything through this new perspective.

And not through Kristina goggles.