The Flat Land

On my way to my clinical site on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I pass through a field of flat, brown grasses. It's got a few places where the dirt has been turned up, leaving raw, clay-tinted wounds in the landscape. It's not an image I particularly enjoy.

The rest of my drive out to the great big city of GB is fairly beautiful. From the moment I pull out of my driveway, I find myself in awe of my God's awesome handiwork. The sunrise is just breaking the treeline, birds fly overhead, and the clouds themselves tell the story of the steadfast hand of God Almighty.

It's just that one strip I've always found to be a little less desirable.

But, the past few weeks God has given me an extra-special gift. It's the gift to see that barren land as beauty.

See, the fog hangs over this particular field every morning now that the weather is cooler, just like a white blanket. The road sits high enough above ground that sometimes I can see over the fog cloud, and catch a peek of the breathtaking view of the solid white, fluffy top of the cloud in contrast with the luscious greenery on the edges of the field. It's absolutely amazing. I hope I will remember to take my camera one of these days and snap a picture. One day last week there was no fog and the field was back to its normal, plain flat land shape. As I crested the hill and saw no sign of condensing water molecules, my heart sank.

I've actually started to look forward to this field with its whispy fog--sometimes taking on a cirrus-like form, other times more like stratus layers, and other times the fog bunches up almost "aggressive-like," looking more like cumulus clouds than anything else.

The other day there was no clouds. No fog. No white. Nothing but dead grass and upturned clay-colored dirt. The weather was too warm through the night for fog to form. I drifted  back in mind to how I felt about that stretch of my morning trip for the first month. How much I disliked it 'cause it was ugly. It meant nothing to me, it did nothing for me. It was a dry and barren piece of land, waterless and disgusting.

O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary. Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee. Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name. (Psalm 63:1-4)

He is our water. My life is a dry and barren wilderness, full of sin and despair, without His life-giving water. He is the Living Water. He is the spotless, white Lamb whose blood was shed to cover my filthy rags. He covers me with His righteousness, to redeem me from my own sinful nature.

What an amazing visual of Him I see represented before me every single day! I like to think that He pulled back the cloak of clouds the other day to remind me of the bondage I've been delivered from through His mercy and grace.

What do you think? Have you seen any visuals/parallels from scripture in your daily lives lately?

They are everywhere--the fingerprints of our Creator linger on every atom of our world.

He knows my name

I'm only hours away from the due date on my exam paper, with a blank, white screen still waiting for responses. But, somehow I cannot bring my fingers to type a defense for the health reform, the boring statistics on speech therapy, or the necessity for medicare. Not that those aren't important topics, they just aren't heartworthy.
Not to me.
And, I feel as if I've neglected some heartworthy blessings in my life lately.
It's all been about work and school and the precious children I have been blessed to know through my clinical practicum.
That is my ministry: clinicals. I knew it from day one. However, I have failed to keep my eyes straight and realize that I've not only been put on those sites, but also in a place called Walmart, and a little place called Ross House, too. Those are also my ministries, though I may have forgotten. My weaknesses shine through most prevalently at those places, because it is there I'm challenged. I'm faced with some tough issues, and I'm faced with my own ugly side.

I really had a desire to post tonight, not to talk about these ministries, but to talk about my Jesus. My personal savior. My God who LOVED me so much He died a horrible death--so I could be with Him. Not only did He suffer for me, though, He also continues daily to walk faithfully by my side, through my struggles and failures.

Has God ever shown you something, tugged your heartstrings over an issue, then reinforced it with a sermon or a friend's words almost immediately? He does it every single week in my life! AMAZING! I'm getting to know my Jesus on a deeper level. He is showing Himself faithful, merciful, graceful, and powerful.

Last week during service, several members of my precious church family came before us in humility to request prayer for weaknesses in their lives that they felt were preventing them from gaining a spirit of unity. As they were pouring out their hearts, condemnation settled on me like a thick dust. I have never in my life been able to recognize the difference in condemnation and conviction; I have a head knowledge definition but the application is so much harder to facilitate. No one was seeking to condemn anyone else. God was in that service, proving Himself mighty. However, the words I heard were echoing in my own head, applying themselves to my OWN heart. Yes, I am failing in this...that...so on and so on...until about halfway through all I could think about was my own failures and frustrations, how I was a hinderance to God's work in this world, and possibly a stumblingblock to my church's growth as a unified family. In my own pride and selfishness, I almost walked out. I didn't want to hear any more of it, not only because I didn't want to deal with it, but because I just did not like feeling that pain.
At the moment when my bottom was rising from my seat to head out the door, a question popped in my head, and I KNOW it wasn't from my own imagination.
It was from God, speaking to my heart.
"Do you not know my Love for you?"

It froze me, to the core. I could not breathe. I could not move.

That may sound silly to you, but in a moment like that, when I was overloaded with condemnation, but was not perceiving it as such, this one question changed my world.

I was sitting there, taking all of the negative feelings that were growing from my friends' struggles, and allowing satan to use his old lies and the excuse, "what's the use? you've failed. God is not pleased with you. Just give up. You'll never make it."

But there is something that can shatter all lies, tear down all strongholds, break the chains of condemnation. That something is LOVE. The unconditional love found in a blood-stained wooden cross, a thorny crown, a body marred beyond recognition.

I know His love. I know what it is, I know what He did to show His love--but I guess that knowledge has never fully transferred to my heart, to apply to ME. Not only does He love me that much, but I am charged to love others as Christ loves me. To forgive as Christ forgave.

God showed me in that one little question that His love is my ultimate tool against the weaknesses in my flesh and the destructive whisperings from the evil one.

What truly amazes me is the speed of his response to my desire to leave. He was RIGHT there. Again, something I know, I KNOW His faithfulness and devotion, but knowing it is focused towards me as well as others is something I haven't yet become aware of. He was with me. He is with me.

He knows my name. He speaks my name.

He loves me. Wow.